Day: January 4, 2019

Have you ever sat there and thought about how you actually feel about yourself? You know, it’s kind of tough. Daily, when asked how we are doing, we respond with good or fine. To avoid small talk, most people won’t answer with the truth. So, is being asked ‘how are you?’ really different than how we feel about ourselves? I mean, it kind of goes hand in hand. I thought on this one for a bit. I know I am fine, I know I am healthy, but since I am not being asked for small talk purposes, how am I really? Why do I need to lie to myself? Maybe it is the fear that if we acknowledge that we aren’t 100% happy with ourselves, that others would notice too. Would they judge us? Why does it matter what other people think anyways? We really need to care about how we think, how we feel.

So, how do I feel about myself? How I truly feel about myself has evolved over the year, but I am not where I want to be. When I get short with people, or snappy, I shut down – I don’t like confrontation, a trait that Garrett says is reflective of the Year of the Rabbit in Chinese astrology. But, I know it is more than that. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and if I hurt even an ounce of a person’s feelings, it breaks my heart. When I am moody, it really means I am not happy about myself at that moment. Most of the time when I get this way because I am dealing with stress. I’m an independent person for the most part, but I forget that I can accomplish things when I am under piles of stress. I then lash out at the ones closest to me. I try to avoid this by closing myself off to others, especially the ones closest to me. I need to remember to take care of myself. I work out, eat right, get the proper amount of sleep, and I am able to balance everything positive in my life. What I should start doing again is balancing the moments of stress. Write them down, make a list, organize what I should do daily to overcome the stress in a healthier way. Even start looking at the stress as something positive instead of approaching it in a negative way. Maybe then I will be happier with myself and all aspects of my life. That’s my hope anyways. Now, to take the steps to move forward in accomplishing this….I vow for the rest of 2019 to make note, hold my breath if I am going to lash out, and to appreciate every moment of life, even the bad.